A - The first A.A. group had come into being but we still had no name. Those were the years of flying blind, those ensuing two or three years. A slip in those days was a dreadful calamity. We would look at each other and wonder who might be next. Failure! Failure! Failure was our constant companion.
I
returned home from Akron now endowed with a more becoming humility
and less
preaching and a few people began to come to us, a few in Cleveland
and Akron.
I had got back into business briefly and again Wall Street collapsed
and took me with it as usual. So I set out West to see if there was
something I could do in that country. Dr. Bob and I of course had
been corresponding but it wasn't until one late fall afternoon in
1937 that I reached his house and sat in his living room. I can
recall the scene as though it were yesterday and we got out a pencil
and paper and we began to put down the names of those people in
Akron, New York and that little sprinkling in Cleveland who had been
dry a while and despite the large number of failures it finally burst
upon us that forty people had got a real release
and had significant dry time behind them. I shall never forget that
great and humbling hour of realization. Bob and I saw for the first
time that a new light had begun to shine down upon us alcoholics, had
begun to shine upon the children of the night.
That
realization brought an immense responsibility. Naturally, we thought
at once, how shall what we forty know be carried to the millions who
don't know? Within gunshot of this house there must be others like
us who are thoroughly bothered by this obsession. How shall they
know? How is this going to be transmitted?
Up
to this time as you must be aware, A.A. was utterly simple. It filled
the full measure of simplicity as is since demanded by a lot of
people. I guess we old timers all have a nostalgia about those
halcyon days of simplicity when thank God there were no founders and
no money and there were no meeting places, just parlors. Annie and
Lois baking cakes and making coffee for those drunks in the living
room. We didn't even have a name! We just called ourselves a bunch of
drunks trying to get sober. We were more anonymous than we are now.
Yes, it was all very simple. But, here was a new realization, what
was the responsibility of the forty men to those who did not know?
Well,
I have been in the world of business, a rather hectic world of
business, the world of Wall Street. I suspect that I was a good deal
of a promoter and a bit of a salesman, rather better than I am here
today. So I began to think in business man's terms. We had discovered
that the hospitals did not want us drinkers because, we were poor
payers and never got well. So, why shouldn't we have our own
hospitals and I envisioned a great chain of drunk tanks and hospitals
spreading across the land. Probably, I could sell stocks in those and
we could damn well eat as well as save drunks.
Then
too, Dr. Bob and I recalled that it had been a very tedious and slow
business to sober up forty people, it had taken about three years and
in those days we old timers had the vainglory to suppose that nobody
else could really do this job but us. So we naturally thought in
terms of having alcoholic missionaries, no disparagement to
missionaries to be sure. In other words, people would be grubstaked
for a year or two, moved to Chicago, St. Louis, Frisco and so on and
start little centers and meanwhile we would be financing this string
of drunk tanks and began to suck them into these places. Yes, we
would need missionaries and hospitals! Then came one reflection that
did make some sense.
It
seemed very clear that what we had already found out should be put on
paper. We needed a book, so Dr. Bob called a meeting for the very
next night and in that little meeting of a dozen and a half, a
historic decision was taken which deeply affected our destiny. It was
in the living room of a nonalcoholic friend who let us come there
because his living room was bigger than the Smith's parlor and he
loved us. I too, remember that day as if it were yesterday.
So,
Smithy and I explained this new obligation which depended on us
forty. How are we to carry this message to the ones who do not know?
I began to wind up my promotion talk about the hospitals and the
missionaries and the book and I saw their faces fall and straight
away that meeting divided into three significant parts. There was the
promoter section of which I was definitely one. There was the section
that was indifferent and there was what you might call the orthodox
section.
The
orthodox section was very vocal and it said with good reason, "Look!
Put us into business and we are lost. This works because it is
simple, because everybody works at it, because nobody makes anything
out of it and because no one has any axe to grind except his sobriety
and the other guy's. If you publish a book we will have infinite
quarrels about the damn thing. It will get us into business and the
clinker of the orthodox section was that our Lord, Himself, had no
book.
Well,
it was impressive and events proved that the orthodox people were
practically right, but, thank God, not fully right. Then there were
the indifferent ones who thought, well, if Smitty and Bill think we
ought to do these things well its all right with us. So the
indifferent ones, plus the promoters out voted the orthodoxy and said
"If you want to do these things Bill, you go back to New York
where there is a lot of dough and you get the money and then we'll
see."
Well,
by this time I'm higher than a kite you know. Promoters can stay high
on something besides alcohol. I was already taking about the greatest
medical development, greatest spiritual development, greatest social
development of all time. Think of it, forty drunks. (Chicago, Ill.,
February 1951)
A
- That evening Bob and I told them that we were within sight of
success and that we thought that this thing might go on and on, that
a new light indeed was shining in our dark world. But how could this
light be reflected and transmitted without being distorted and
garbled? At this point, they turned the meeting over to me and being
a salesman, I sat right to work on the drunk tanks and subsidies for
missionaries, I was pretty poor then.
We
touched on the book. The group conscience consisted of eighteen men
good and true. . . and the good and true men, you could see right
away, were dammed skeptical about it all. Almost with one voice they
chorused "let's keep it simple, this is going to bring money
into this thing, this is going to create a professional class. We'll
all be ruined."
"Well,"
I countered, "That's a pretty good argument. Lots to what you
say, but even within gunshot of this house, alcoholics are dying like
flies. And if this thing doesn't move any faster than it has in the
last three years, it may be another ten before it gets to the
outskirts of Akron. How in god's name are we going to carry this
message to others? We've got to take some kind of chance. We can't
keep it so simple that it becomes an anarchy and gets complicated. We
can't keep it so simple that it won't propagate itself, and we've got
to have a lot of money to do these things."
So,
exerting myself to the utmost, which was considerable in those days,
we finally got a vote in that little meeting and it was a mighty
close vote by just a majority of maybe 2 or 3. The meeting said, with
some reluctance, "Well Bill," if we need a lot of dough
then you had better go back to New York where there's plenty of it
and you raise it." Well, boy, that was the word I had been
waiting for. (Fort Worth, Tx., 1954)
Bill W
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